Volume 1, Issue 5

October 2002 Newsletter

Something to Think About:

When Things Get Personal At Work

When things get personal at work … set boundaries!  We’ve all been there. In that uncomfortable spot where you realize you are more than a coworker to your work colleague. You have transcended to the friendship side of the relationship where work is still in the picture but no longer the tie that binds you together – now it is the friendship that ties you together. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate coworkers who are friendly at work and friends outside of the workplace. And yet, we all know of those situations where work is strained at the cost of the friendship, or vice versa.

How do you know if you’ve crossed some sort of line with a friendship at work? Consider the following questions:

1. How much time to do spend in conversation with your friend? Be honest now; time swapping email messages, quick phone calls, talks in the hallway, lunch breaks.
2. Do you find yourself “picking up the pieces” for a friend who couldn’t quite get it all done?
3. Are you inclined to defend your friend during team meetings or in conversation with other coworkers?
4. Are you offended if someone says something derogatory about your friend in your presence?
5. Do you engage in “boss bashing” or trade negative talk about the company with your friend when you probably wouldn’t otherwise offer such comments?
6. Is any part of your own work suffering because you lack the required concentration to finish the activities?

Take a quick moment to review your answers. If your work or office attitude is suffering, than it might be possible that your friendship isn’t nurturing your efforts but detracting from them. If work is sailing along fine, your friendship could be a source of positive impact and that’s terrific. But if you aren’t sure and it feels like the line is getting blurred, think about setting some self boundaries that will help you manage the relationship and work both successfully.

Boundary #1: Mix and match who you take breaks with. This helps alleviate any pressure to always be spending break time with the same person or group of people.

Boundary #2: Opt for team projects that widen your colleague circle. Join an employee committee or a volunteer group at work. Plan the office holiday party, the summer picnic, or help with a company charity fundraiser. Encourage your coworker to also consider projects with new people.

Boundary #3: Limit non-work time spent together if you are feeling uncomfortable with the person. There is something to the statement, “too much of a good thing can turn a good thing sour.”

Boundary #4: Preparing yourself to say “no” to an invitation will help immensely when the time comes. So, practice saying, “no thanks, not this time.”

WARNING: If you are feeling like a stronger than normal friendship has developed and the colleague is your direct report, take a step back immediately. You may be diving in to a situation that could be crossing the line making you unwittingly liable for inappropriate actions.

Many companies offer employee assistance programs and many also have seasoned HR representatives that can also help you accommodate a friend/coworker situation with confidential sensitivity. Use those resources that are available to you. And by all means, call on Management Signature – we’re here to help you!

About the author: Barb has a 20 year career history of creating stronger organizations by enhancing the performance of executives and management teams – a key component to creating greater organizational strength. Blending personal work experiences in corporate management and human resources, with her Masters degree in counseling psychology, you will find Barb strategically and operationally effective. Learn more at www.managementsignature.com.

The Manager's Chair

Managing Among Employee Friendships

I have been involved, as a manager and as an HR consultant, with investigating many sensitive employee relations issues. One of the toughest was calling for an employee, whom I will call Amy, to submit to a fitness for duty drug test. This involves escorting the employee from the workplace to the testing facility and engaging assistance relative to what might be needed following the test. The drug test came back positive and Amy was placed on medical leave to attend to her situation and begin a long struggle with rehabilitation. While those steps were anxious filled moments for me, the steps to continue managing the work group without Amy was tougher.

This was a tight work group that had been together for years. They knew each other’s in and outs, ups and downs like clockwork. They also knew, long before I did, about the Amy’s unhealthy habits and the effect is was having on her work production. What I had working in my favor was previously established open lines of communication. I engaged people in Amy’s work group with people in other work groups I managed on a continual basis. Thus, people from work group “A” got to know people in work group “B,” “C”, and “D” much better than in the past. It was an employee from another work group who had growing concerns for Amy that first brought Amy’s situation to light. During that conversation I had an opportunity to explain the company’s policy and procedure for such situations. Fully aware of the how I would be required to handle the situation, the employee was able to turn their concern about Amy over to me and understood what next steps would be taken.

While Amy was on leave, her work group wanted to rally behind her but it was hard to do. They were concerned, but they were upset at the same time. Work volume was at its maximum peak, requiring overtime on a near weekly basis for every person on all teams. Losing a person was taxing on everyone. Regular communications, on my part as manager, were critical. We sang our praises as accomplishments rolled in and kept ourselves just motivated enough to keep going without exhausting ourselves so completely that we left nothing available for family and outside interests. And along the way, there were questions about Amy. How was she? When might she return? Just what is the company policy on this stuff anyway?

With advice I’d sought from my executives, we determined to talk frankly but not personally about Amy’s situation. Because this was a friendly, tightly connected work group they already knew what Amy’s unhealthy habits were – they’d witnessed it for themselves. Not to say it would have been like trying to hide something everyone already sees. So we addressed the pink elephant sitting in the middle of the room, felt badly for Amy, felt bad for ourselves, got back on track, and moved on.

What I learned through managing that situation, I’ve used many times again. Here’s a recap:

1. Take time, make time to know your employees well enough to know who knows who. It was invaluable to me during this situation to have that understanding.
2. Understand your company HR policies. It is your job, as a manager, to know. It’s wonderful to have HR reps on hand, but they can’t always be there plus they don’t know your work group like you do.
3. Don’t shy away from or give away sensitive subjects to someone else to handle. Seek HR assistance, gather colleague thoughts, and grab advice from your superiors. But ultimately you are the manager and your job is employee relations. Giving it away disallows you from an opportunity to lead your group. And shying away from it, well – bad news never gets better with time so tackle it up front.
4. Organize a targeted plan of communicating with employees and work the plan! Let employees know you, understand what you value, and see how you work. When you need to tackle tough things, normal channels will have already been established helping you concentrate on the message and information, rather than how to get the word out.

Quick Source

• Barb Minkel-Dusek, Management Signature, 952-997-2285
• Curt Levang, Levang & Associates, 952-541-4799
• Jay Gubrud, (651) 635-9939

LEADERMENT

Intersecting leadership qualities with management tasks.

“The very essence of all power lies in getting the other person to participate”

Harry Overstreet, as quoted by Zig Ziglar

In our next issue – At work and at play with coworkers

You leave the office to join coworkers at happy hour – the workday is done, but are you still at work?